Hi, this the Amy Karla mentioned above or below. I have SO SO much to say about this. I have really struggled with the collective, "well that sucked, let's pretend it never happened. My three biggest struggles were 1. The complete overwhelm and abandonment I felt in my clinical practice. 2. The many times I tried to reach out and maintain connection with people that were not reciprocated at all. I lost at least a dozen close friends. 3. The inability of many close people in my life to hold all of the anger, grief, and fear I needed to express.
The biggest gifts were: 1. Connection to all of my emotions and all of myself on a whole new level. 2. Letting go of certainty and control, with an associated increase in spirituality. 3. A whole new creative life.
I could talk about this all day long. I just hosted two ceremonies on Zoom and would love to host more. I'm planning to reach out to local churches, nursing homes, hospitals, schools to host some IRL as well.
Amy, this is so cool! I'm so glad to hear someone's tending to this. I struggled with many of the same issues — the loss and grief of the pandemic were also compounded by the death of my dad in 2021. Most people in my inner circle didn't understand the level of grief I experienced. And to have the collective "brushing off" just made it all feel that much more alienating. I'm definitely interested in participating in the next ceremony and would love to learn more about how you go about putting them together.
Thanks Sara! Did your dad die of COVID or from other causes? I ask because it seems like there was this weird dynamic particularly on the left (of which I am a part), of blaming and shaming people with COVID, so that the support for those who lost loved ones to COVID wasn't always as present as it should have been. And I imagine the grief can be more complicated if you feel like the death was potentially preventable. I'm not sure when the next one will be, but I'll keep you posted. I'm hoping to get some in person ones going too, I feel like the social nutrients are just richer with it. My approach so far is: a grounding meditation, invocation/prayer, then I share a folk tale, followed by a talking circle about the struggles/suffering, then we break away from the computer for nature and creative time, then reconvene to share our creative work (if we want to) and a talking circle about what has been transformed.
Actually, he had Alzheimer’s for the previous ten years, and then had a stroke that led to catastrophic damage (couldn’t swallow, lost the ability to talk). He passed two weeks after that. So no, he didn’t die of COVID. But we had COVID related problems… he lived close to some family members that were very anxious about COVID (and they spent a lot of time with him), and as a result we didn’t visit him as often in the last few years of his life out of respect for their feelings. There were other reasons, too, but COVID played a huge role. Only one of us could be in the hospital with him at a time, and only two could visit hospice per day because of COVID rules.
Yeah, the visitor restrictions in hospitals, nursing homes, and hospice, I think we’re just beginning to understand the impact of that decision. I still wonder if the impact was net positive. I’m working on an essay right now and just thinking about the touch starvation that came with that time and how I don’t think we’ve really come all the way back from that.
My husband and his mom were able to be with his dad when he died, but my daughters and I weren’t. When my grandfather died (3 days after my FIL), there weren’t any visitor restrictions at the hospice.
Those rules had such a deep impact. The hospital allowed only two visitors, separately, per day... which meant that family that came into town to see him had priority while his wife and children had to take what time was left. It was better in hospice but honestly, it added a lot of heartache.
I agree that this is such an important topic to discuss and consider, Sara! My sister Amy (https://thenettlewitchmd.substack.com/) has a lot of feelings on this topic since she was an ER doctor at the time. She's actually leading gatherings for folks who are looking for community and rituals to process the experience!
Hi, this the Amy Karla mentioned above or below. I have SO SO much to say about this. I have really struggled with the collective, "well that sucked, let's pretend it never happened. My three biggest struggles were 1. The complete overwhelm and abandonment I felt in my clinical practice. 2. The many times I tried to reach out and maintain connection with people that were not reciprocated at all. I lost at least a dozen close friends. 3. The inability of many close people in my life to hold all of the anger, grief, and fear I needed to express.
The biggest gifts were: 1. Connection to all of my emotions and all of myself on a whole new level. 2. Letting go of certainty and control, with an associated increase in spirituality. 3. A whole new creative life.
I could talk about this all day long. I just hosted two ceremonies on Zoom and would love to host more. I'm planning to reach out to local churches, nursing homes, hospitals, schools to host some IRL as well.
Amy, this is so cool! I'm so glad to hear someone's tending to this. I struggled with many of the same issues — the loss and grief of the pandemic were also compounded by the death of my dad in 2021. Most people in my inner circle didn't understand the level of grief I experienced. And to have the collective "brushing off" just made it all feel that much more alienating. I'm definitely interested in participating in the next ceremony and would love to learn more about how you go about putting them together.
Thanks Sara! Did your dad die of COVID or from other causes? I ask because it seems like there was this weird dynamic particularly on the left (of which I am a part), of blaming and shaming people with COVID, so that the support for those who lost loved ones to COVID wasn't always as present as it should have been. And I imagine the grief can be more complicated if you feel like the death was potentially preventable. I'm not sure when the next one will be, but I'll keep you posted. I'm hoping to get some in person ones going too, I feel like the social nutrients are just richer with it. My approach so far is: a grounding meditation, invocation/prayer, then I share a folk tale, followed by a talking circle about the struggles/suffering, then we break away from the computer for nature and creative time, then reconvene to share our creative work (if we want to) and a talking circle about what has been transformed.
Actually, he had Alzheimer’s for the previous ten years, and then had a stroke that led to catastrophic damage (couldn’t swallow, lost the ability to talk). He passed two weeks after that. So no, he didn’t die of COVID. But we had COVID related problems… he lived close to some family members that were very anxious about COVID (and they spent a lot of time with him), and as a result we didn’t visit him as often in the last few years of his life out of respect for their feelings. There were other reasons, too, but COVID played a huge role. Only one of us could be in the hospital with him at a time, and only two could visit hospice per day because of COVID rules.
Yeah, the visitor restrictions in hospitals, nursing homes, and hospice, I think we’re just beginning to understand the impact of that decision. I still wonder if the impact was net positive. I’m working on an essay right now and just thinking about the touch starvation that came with that time and how I don’t think we’ve really come all the way back from that.
My husband and his mom were able to be with his dad when he died, but my daughters and I weren’t. When my grandfather died (3 days after my FIL), there weren’t any visitor restrictions at the hospice.
Those rules had such a deep impact. The hospital allowed only two visitors, separately, per day... which meant that family that came into town to see him had priority while his wife and children had to take what time was left. It was better in hospice but honestly, it added a lot of heartache.
I agree that this is such an important topic to discuss and consider, Sara! My sister Amy (https://thenettlewitchmd.substack.com/) has a lot of feelings on this topic since she was an ER doctor at the time. She's actually leading gatherings for folks who are looking for community and rituals to process the experience!
Thank you so much for sharing your sister's work (and sorry for the super late reply!)! Have you attended a ceremony? What did you think?
I haven't attended one yet, but certainly hope to! (Also, no need to apologize, Sara!) Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing and perspective!