Comparison and the desire for immortality are both symptoms of the same root cause—the illusion of separateness, rather than Oneness. Unfortunately, I've found it's much easier in thought than in practice.
“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.” - Zhuangzi
I struggle with this so much! And I don't fully know where it comes from. My husband doesn't worry about this stuff, yet I'll sit up at night and thinking about "the mark" I've left on the world and if my obit will be impressive or depressing.
I wrote about this recently. Rather than it being a Gen Z singer, I beat myself up over the amazing medical staff in a Netflix reality show:
I think once you get past this, there's actually a comfort in accepting your "smallness." I've had a hard time describing that feeling of knowing that I'm a tiny grain of sand in the universe and being okay with it. It's like feeling "right-sized" for the first time. Also, I don't think "smallness" means you can't do great things. Lincoln was also tiny grain of sand.
In my 20s, the talk with my friends were all about what we yet would achieve. In my 30s, the talks are about how these achievements were an illusion. We are raised in the "society of impact", as if all our action need to have a huge impact on something. What really matters is to have a good life, do your things, to love and be loved, have enough money.
Totally agree. I think the emphasis is always on what we're going to achieve. We ask our kids "What do you want to be?" not "How do you want to be?" Makes it hard to shake that later in life.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." I believe Teddy Roosevelt said that. But, man, does the ego LOVE to compare. If it helps any, just know that comparison is a game that nobody wins, I don't care how their lives look from the outside. Celebrate your not-coolness, says I.
The ego DOES love to compare! I'm trying to sink more and more into my not-coolness. Shedding layers of conditioning to do so. Sometimes I wish this process would go a little faster...
There is so much to love about this essay. Beautiful writing, deep insight, and such relatable vulnerability.
You're right, Americans are taught to "reach for the stars" and to compare ourselves to others. It's a constant pressure, if we choose to buy into that measure of success. But I'm willing to bet you have touched more people than you realize. You have likely said things that changed the way they view the world without ever knowing it. And with this essay, you have made people who struggle with similar sentiments feel seen and not quite so alone. That's saying something. That's significant. And in my opinion, that sort of human connection leaves a deeper mark than singing "Vanilla Baby" in a music video few will remember in a year.
Comparison and the desire for immortality are both symptoms of the same root cause—the illusion of separateness, rather than Oneness. Unfortunately, I've found it's much easier in thought than in practice.
I am the table, and the table is me. ;)
“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.” - Zhuangzi
I struggle with this so much! And I don't fully know where it comes from. My husband doesn't worry about this stuff, yet I'll sit up at night and thinking about "the mark" I've left on the world and if my obit will be impressive or depressing.
I wrote about this recently. Rather than it being a Gen Z singer, I beat myself up over the amazing medical staff in a Netflix reality show:
https://shriekingcactus.substack.com/p/torture-of-comparing-yourself-to-others
I think once you get past this, there's actually a comfort in accepting your "smallness." I've had a hard time describing that feeling of knowing that I'm a tiny grain of sand in the universe and being okay with it. It's like feeling "right-sized" for the first time. Also, I don't think "smallness" means you can't do great things. Lincoln was also tiny grain of sand.
Thanks for sharing your post. I dug it. :)
In my 20s, the talk with my friends were all about what we yet would achieve. In my 30s, the talks are about how these achievements were an illusion. We are raised in the "society of impact", as if all our action need to have a huge impact on something. What really matters is to have a good life, do your things, to love and be loved, have enough money.
Totally agree. I think the emphasis is always on what we're going to achieve. We ask our kids "What do you want to be?" not "How do you want to be?" Makes it hard to shake that later in life.
"Comparison is the thief of joy." I believe Teddy Roosevelt said that. But, man, does the ego LOVE to compare. If it helps any, just know that comparison is a game that nobody wins, I don't care how their lives look from the outside. Celebrate your not-coolness, says I.
The ego DOES love to compare! I'm trying to sink more and more into my not-coolness. Shedding layers of conditioning to do so. Sometimes I wish this process would go a little faster...
I hear you . . . guess we should be careful what we wish for!
There is so much to love about this essay. Beautiful writing, deep insight, and such relatable vulnerability.
You're right, Americans are taught to "reach for the stars" and to compare ourselves to others. It's a constant pressure, if we choose to buy into that measure of success. But I'm willing to bet you have touched more people than you realize. You have likely said things that changed the way they view the world without ever knowing it. And with this essay, you have made people who struggle with similar sentiments feel seen and not quite so alone. That's saying something. That's significant. And in my opinion, that sort of human connection leaves a deeper mark than singing "Vanilla Baby" in a music video few will remember in a year.