A Poem In Drafts: 5 Tips for Writing Poetry

Desert Dust

Desert Dust

Ecstatic in the back of a cab
I sit
singing a eulogy for the mind
shocked silent
no more violent
chatter

Hurtling down a lonely road
I spy
faces on the horizon
mesmerized by curves and lines of
Apus of deep time

The heart flies across the desert
baptized in dust
feel the pulse
rush of wind and
hush of breath
echo of eternity

Just a taste of freedom

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This poem was inspired by a moment in December, in Joshua Tree, California. Ryan and I had just attended a sound bath at a place called the Integratron and we were in the back of cab heading to our rental. The wind from the open window buffeted me. All three of us were silent. The mountains on the horizon mesmerized me and I sank into some Other Place. Words trickled out of that Place like a stream, leaving the only evidence that I was there. This picture is from Joshua Tree but not those particular mountains—I was too “in it” to reach for my phone and take a picture. And anyway, some things are too sacred to capture with an image.

The poem didn’t start out in the version you just read, however. And I don’t believe it’s done now… but I’m in a place where I’d like to share the work, even though it will evolve later. I hope this serves as inspiration and a little bit of insight into playing with words, images, and themes in poetry.

Here’s what I wrote down in my notes app on my phone after the moment was over:

Wind rocks me
Baptized in dust
I sit
Singing a eulogy for the mind
Here lies the devil inside
Weak link
Mind shocked silent
Ecstatic in the back of a cab
Eyes closed and I fall through a hole in my mind
Mind meeting the world without cover of a narrative
Intensity
A tease
Just a taste of freedom

The heart flies across the desert
Harsh light
Climate (dangerous)
Burns away the dross of the soul

My quick electronic “scribbles” didn’t capture everything of the moment, but it did get most of it. We can call that Version 1.

Then I played with the text. This is Version 2:

I sit
singing a eulogy for the mind
"Here lies the devil inside"
Ecstatic in the back of a cab

The heart flies across the desert
mind shocked silent
no more violent
chatter

Baptized in dust
let me touch
the faces on the horizon
mesmerized by curves and lines of
Apus of deep time

I was unsure about some of the other imagery, so I played with what I felt were the strongest themes in this version and left out the rest. After some cuts, the line about the cab felt out of place. So I decided to use that line to “set the scene” of the poem and put the reader in the back of the cab right away in the next version. I also thought that having a directive first line in each stanza might help strengthen the feeling of the poem. Here’s Version 3:

Ecstatic in the back of a cab
I sit
singing a eulogy for the mind
mind shocked silent
no more violent
chatter

Hurtling down a lonely road
I spy faces on the horizon
mesmerized by curves and lines of
Apus of deep time

The heart flies across the desert
baptized in dust
let me touch
fly like wind and rush of breath
across eternity

Just a taste of freedom

This instinctively felt better to me, but I still didn’t like some of the imagery in the last stanza, so I played with the words there to bring in the never-ending feeling of the Other Place. I also took out the repetitiveness of the word “mind” earlier in the poem in the final version, Version 4, at the top of this post.

What can we learn from this?

5 Tips for Writing Poetry

First, it shows that poetry can start out as a mess of words, images, feelings, phrases, ideas, and impressions. It doesn’t have to be organized, neat, poetic, or “make sense” when you first take a beautiful (or poignant, or ugly) moment and try to capture it with words. This messiness is part of the process. The first draft doesn’t need to “work.” It only needs to capture the essence of the moment so you can work with it later.

Second, even the most figurative poetry needs a guiding force to lead the reader through it. This can come from anchoring imagery, such as a tangible setting or object, or through movement that creates momentum, like a journey or transformation.

Third, poems are rarely “done.” They evolve as we do, shaped by new insights and ideas. Allow your work to grow, but don’t let that stop you from sharing it. A poem can have many iterations, each valid in its own right. Walt Whitman edited and revised Leaves of Grass and the poems within the book dozens of times over his lifetime.

Fourth, trust your instincts when you revise. Pay attention to which lines or themes resonate most and don’t be afraid to cut or rework the rest. Poetry is as much about feeling as it is about form.

Finally, resist the desire to make it “good.” I have no idea if this poem is good. At least half the people who encounter it will likely declare “That’s not poetry.” That’s fine—I wasn’t going for good by anyone else’s standard. I was going for what pleased me…what made me feel as though I had gotten close to that Other Place again. That’s another way of saying… have fun with it. Make what pleases you.

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